Oh Joy(!)

Image from: http://www.chakpak.com/photo/angry-man/109798

It’s true you know. Like attracts like. When you’re happy, things seem to work out, and you feel like you can conquer the world. But what happens when things aren’t quite like that?

I’ve been in a bit of a grump for a few days now. Just slowly simmering under my skin. Now I’m sure I’m biased when I say this; I do think of myself as a calm, relaxed person. Not overtly happy, yet it still takes a lot to pull me down for anything longer than fleeting moments. So what’s got me this way? I’m not sure. Whatever it is, it’s fucking up my shit and I want to crush it. Sure, all that negativity isn’t helping anything, and only serves to feed the cycle – though sometimes, that’s just how you feel.

Teenage angst didn’t pass me by. It caught me, and fed on me like a leech. Ironically, it fuelled me further and further, encouraging me to project it out rebelliously for many of my formidable years. I feel remnants of that feeling in me now. I’ve tried hard to let it go, like I normally do of things. Breathe. Relax. Calm the fuck down. It’s not working. Harnessed aggression, it’s becoming.

I can feel it affecting my thoughts and internal systems. It’s so visceral, so primal. My outlook and ability to judge things with a level head is slipping. Even now, I know I’m writing things from a very negative point of view. Ever tried finding the light switch in a house you’ve just moved into, in the middle of a unusually dark night? Not only do you fumble around for twenty million fucking years, you usually end up smashing your shin against every fucking piece of hardwood furniture beforehand.

It’s also leaking out into my day. Things normally go from bad to worse, before it hits the fan. I’ve managed to handle most bad things with a small grimace but all within my stride. Doing that feeling like I do now, is almost impossible. It’s not stress, it’s not unhappiness, it’s unadulterated, angry, emo-angst.

Here’s hoping it will pass by soon.

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  1. Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.
    –Buddha

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