An Interesting Conversation….Is Still Yet To Be Had

It was Mothers’ Day, yesterday. I hope you did something for her – even if it’s throwing egg on her face or toilet papering her house. If you actually like your mum, maybe you got her a card. Question: wtf are cards for? If it’s not accompanied by a present. Why not make a fucking phone call?? “Hey, blah blah blah, blah blah blah, blah, blah, blah blah blah blah blah. With Love, Some Lazy Cunt.” Save the environment, save me wasting my damn time opening the fucking thing and reading it, and ring me up. If you have a place to buy a card, and a post box to collect it, then you’d have a place with a fucking telephone. The thing is, if I get sent a card, then I become obliged to ring THEM up, to say, “Thank you”. That, is whack. Save me the fucking trouble, yeah? Ffs.

Enough bitching. I got asked to be a groomsman the other week. Go figure. I said “Yes” and we both cried like grieving relatives. It was an emotional moment. Don’t judge me.

How much have we changed over the years do you think? A little? A lot? Don’t say none at all, even dead people change. Even embalmed people change. It’s just a fact of life, and death. People change, and corpses rot.

I gotta say, massive shout out to those who’s birthdays land on the 29th of February (during a leap year), or even more so; to those who’s birthdays land either on or very fucking damn close to a holiday. You lot have it rough. Let’s face it, you get half the presents you should. Total rip off. Cheap bastards – YOU still have to GIVE THEM the proper amount, which is more than their due if they skimp out on you. “It is better to give..”. Yeah yeah…in that case, give me all your money, and fuck off. Actually, give me your shoes too, before you go.

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